In the last 48 hours, I have essentially changed my life.
I’m going to study abroad in England in spring of 2012.
I was tired of simply letting life happen to me. I am taking great proactive steps toward a successful future, but everything is, to be honest, going a bit too smoothly. I found out about DNLC the week the application was due. I got the interview offer and shipped myself to San Francisco for the night.
One of my favorite parts of being in San Francisco that one night was the little bit of time when I pulled myself out of my hotel room and wandered around the city. Admittedly, I was always within sight of my hotel and it was about time for all the shops to begin closing so I didn’t really do much other than said wandering. I loved it; I was seeing things and going places simply because I wanted to. I was autonomous, unhindered, unafraid.
The following afternoon, I got my place at the conference. That summer, I attended the conference, got the internship offer, and accepted the internship offer. Assuming I neither change career paths nor perform terribly during the internship, I’ll have a job in 2012.
That’s incredible—don’t ever think this means I’m ungrateful. But with such a fortuitous amount of certainty regarding my career, I think I was subconsciously craving something more. I have been thinking about the possibility of taking advantage of my four or five open class spaces in some way, but using them to travel was never a serious consideration until Sunday night. The idea returned to me in a bigger way than ever before at two o’clock in the morning, about the same time I come up with my other particularly fanciful ideas. I confirmed with my sister that this was both sane and achievable and suddenly, I was doing it.
The few people I’ve told about my plans are responding like it’s a huge deal. They’re absolutely right, but they are the only ones freaking out. I think I am calm about this for two reasons.
First, I rarely sense impending change. I am not sure whether this is a good or bad trait. In my head, things are one way, then I’m preparing for them to be different, then they’re different. I don’t sense the lead up, the causes that effect the change. I just plan where I deem logical, do what I am supposed to do, and let the changes happen.
Second, I am sure. This is not something that I want to do—it is something I will do. I am prepared to save every penny possible from my internship, to find work wherever I can to pay for this. I am prepared to jump through all the metaphorical hoops necessary to get the program I want, prepared to pack up my life and leave the country for the first time ever, not to return for months. I am doing it.
I am only fearless because I am certain. Certain of what is to come? Definitely not. But certain that I will be holding my head high when it gets here. Bring it on, England.