Countdown to Deathly Hallows Part Two, Part Two

In different Harry Potter-related settings, I’ve heard/read about quite a few people contemplating what animal their Patronus would turn into, but I don’t think that is the most compelling consideration for casting a Patronus. I would like to know what your memory would be, the single happy memory so strong that it can fight off creatures that embody fear, sadness, and hopelessness.

I’ve been thinking about what memory I would choose and all I’ve concluded is that I wouldn’t be able to cast a Patronus even if my soul depended on it. It’s not that I’ve had a sad life so far; in fact, it’s quite the opposite–things have generally worked out well for me. But none of the good moments I can think of are untainted by other, less gleeful feelings. It’s because I’m a worrier. I approach most situations stressing about the ways in which it can go wrong, so even when it the best possible scenario happens, the predominant feeling I have is relief, not happiness. And I don’t think that relief is quite enough to ward off a Dementor.

I’ve been going through a mental list of memories that could qualify for my happy thought. The day I got accepted to my University? No, I knew I would be accepted to the university I currently attend and I didn’t even get into my top choice. The day I was offered my spot at a major leadership conference or at my internship? Those were proud days, sure, but not particularly happy. I was trying to think of one relating to Harry Potter, considering how much influence the novels have had on my life, but I attended the book releases by myself (high school Katherine was a loser, it’s cool) and the movie premieres usually have something that goes wrong or something that concerns me more than anything else.

The memory I would probably try to use is of the evening when I received a scholarship in the form of a $2000 check. It’s not that I got the money in the first place so much as it is that that check is what enabled me to move forward with my plans to study in London and honestly, the thought of the adventures I will soon have is what is keeps me sane and strong these days. Even with that, though, I have a constant fear that I will be rejected from the study abroad program after all of this work. Happy memory, officially tainted.

Do most people have a hard time reminiscing about their happiest moments or is it just me? My life has generally been rather nice. I’m at least a little bit happy every day, but I just coast on the same level of satisfaction from day to day. No particularly sad moments, but no particularly happy ones either.

What about you, people who don’t read my blog? How would you make your Patronus appear?

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About Katherine

Ravenclaw, INTJ, and a bit whiney.
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