BEDA: August 14

Yesterday was, as far as I’m concerned, the first real step I took toward studying abroad next spring. Sure, I got university approval for the program and I got my passport and all that, but actually writing one of the things I will be sending to the school who will be deciding whether to let me study with their students was the first thing that felt real. And that’s probably why it took me so long to get around to writing it.

I like dreaming. I love dreaming. I make up stories and situations and fantastic advnetures for myself all the time. I have a ton of trouble actually putting those dreams into something tangible, however. One of my favorite quotes from Harry Potter(well, Dumbledore) is “we must not dwell on dreams and forget to live,” though I fail to follow this advice more often than I’d care to admit. I think it’s because, when it’s imaginary, it goes as well as you want it to. There’s no disappointment when you can choose what happens next.

I felt that disappointment when I moved to San Francisco this summer. I thought I was going to explore the city and take photographs every day and eat lunch next to the water with my coworkers and really be the San Francisco resident I wanted to be. Day one, I woke up to a parking ticket, got on the wrong bus and spent 40 minutes riding into town, called my sister repeatedly as I attempted to walk from Golden Gate Park to Union Square(this is a couple of miles on hills) and ultimately took a bus to a BART station, then spent another hour waiting for a bus at 9:00 at night before miserably arriving back at my room in the scummy in-law in south San Francisco that I was renting for the summer. Things didn’t really get better from there and culminated in my car being towed for being like SIX INCHES into someone’s driveway on the second to last day of the internship. The disappointment was hard, but there was this overwhelming sense of embarrassment that hurt the most. I moved there, wide-eyed and naive beyond words, and I was just kicked and beaten and pushed out of the city for the entire two months and I felt like I should have known better. I put myself “out there” and I got my ass kicked.

So… let’s move to London! Fortunately, after the fiasco that was my summer internship in San Francisco, I think I am a bit more realistic about how difficult it’s going to be to study abroad and how many more challenges I’m going to face when my sister isn’t just a phone call away. This, if anything, is why I need to do this even more. Hopefully getting my ass kicked my rainy city after rainy city will make me a strong enough individual to actually be able to stand on my own two feet at the end of  it all.

Things to do on my SA application:
General essay: done
Complete application: nope
Complete internship app: nope
Complete internship essay: nope
Passport: done
CV/resume: halfway

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About Katherine

Ravenclaw, INTJ, and a bit whiney.
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