I think I’ve begun to figure out what’s happening to my ambition and my career plans.
The more I learn about the career path I’ve chosen for myself, the less I like it. I think that was obvious. But the thing is that, when I chose my career path, I was mostly motivated by money and pride. I always said I wanted to be important, but that was because I thought that would make me happy too. The law school part is actually something I want to do for my own enjoyment, but I know I’ll have to force myself to get into the top law school and work for the best firm because that’s the only place I can get the types of clients I want. But back to the plan for post-graduation employment: the job I currently have lined up(though have not yet signed the offer for because I know it’ll be a sad day when I do that) guarantees my ability to pay back my school loans as quickly as possible and adds to my law school resume, but does nothing for me happiness-wise. And I just can’t have that anymore.
I feel like the revelation that money does not equal happiness should be what happens when I’m in my late thirties and have enough money to leave the corporate world behind and open my own bakery, but nope. I’m not even 21 and I’ve already gained that nugget of wisdom–unfortunately, I’ve still got those pesky loans to pay off. But I still can’t allow myself to settle for the miserable job without at least trying everything I can to find a happier, more fulfilling career path.
The same goes for this location crisis I’ve been in. I waver between cities and states and even countries multiple times a day because nowhere I’ve been so far feels like home. My only solution is to just keep wandering, trying on new places until one fits. I just want to feel like I belong wherever I end up and whatever I end up doing.