You know that thing where people tend to be more depressed in the winter due to long nights, dark days, and bad weather?
Welcome to springtime in London. I felt so bad that Janine came to visit and it rained a few days she was here, but I would love to have those days again (though admittedly not just because they were less rainy). It has rained every day since she left–how poetic–and today, the day when I was ready to finally get some coursework done, it has been pouring and/or hailing for the last seven hours. Pouring in London isn’t like pouring in California though: I’d contend that here, it’s not the volume of water coming down from the sky but the violence of each individual water droplet that makes it so unbearable. Umbrellas are borderline useless when the wind is busy either turning your umbrella inside out or blowing the raindrops horizontally.
Anyway, I woke up at 7 am and stayed in bed until 1. I wasn’t reading or sleeping or screwing around on the internet, I was just laying there, curled into a ball, thinking of the number of days until my flight home (35 including today). I’ve been alone a lot and not like I was alone in high school, where there were people in my classes and teachers asking me questions and a family to come home to. I’ve been literally alone. Alone or in the company of exclusively strangers and it’s starting to get to me. It’s sucking up my energy and my motivation to do ONE DAMN PROJECT and then I’m DONE WITH COLLEGE but it’s just so hard.
So sorry to everyone at home, who is suddenly getting multiple skype calls a day, and sorry to Janine, who I never want to stop texting because even if it’s not a phone call and it’s not face-to-face, it’s something.
I miss everyone and everything and no, right now, I’m not having a great time. I’m lonely and it sucks.